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Open The Door

Boro’s baptism into the Championship produced a result all too familiar: a tepid 0-0 home draw to fellow promotion contenders Sheffield United. Considering the aforementioned stead of the Blades, it’s not a dire outcome – had it been Donny or Blackpool we’d be indubitably gutted, demanding Gazza’s head on a stick Cromwell-style, along w/ a proper and direct thrust from the central midfield…a few more striking options for good measure too…

As this site adjusts to the paucity of match coverage, we’ll lean on the lovely Louise Taylor to give us first-person perspective on the match. How the fabulously labeled baked-on-weed-looking Blades enthusiast John Ashdown couldn’t convince the hierarchy to permit a season-debuting MBM is beyond us. This rendition of up-to-the-minute coverage lacked panache and spirited interactivity, and the usually reliable BBC Sport live text feature launched well after kick-off, lacking the indispensable Cheese-y substance.

Some observations from our 2 hours of trolling and F5-ing:

• Mark Yeates is clearly up for it, and while Boro couldn’t organize an effective attack, he was a major party to whatever we tried to achieve
• Adam Johnson needs to play further up in attack, either as part of a dual striker formation, or just behind; he jinks and jives, has unbelievable pace, but consistently underperforms in the realm of crosses from the flanks
• Danny Coyne ostensibly had a good inaugural showing – no apoplectic moments redolent of Brad Jones…he produced a few fine saves and confident punch away dangerous balls in the box
• set pieces…get them sorted already! This has been a consistent problem going on YEARS…it would’ve been equally criminal, and expected, to lose this contest in such a repeating fashion

on to Swansea next Saturday…stay away from the bay

The Long And Winding Road – 06 Aug

The advent of meaningful matches has ushered in a convivial spirit. Goodwill towards fellow supporter and club has been restored at the end of this long and winding road…

Optimism abounds as we’re inside 48 hours of the start of a new beginning – the Blades beckon on Friday – is it genuine, or merely masked by the miasma caused by a hot summer lull? The currency of jobs, reputations, and livelihoods will be staked to ensure a satisfactory rebate of football happiness and contentment. Will all the effort and culture change that occurred over the summer interval, in the public view or behind the scenes, manifest itself on the pitch? It’s the main query as we forge forward…

The squad shaping that we hoped to be done with by this time continues:

In For Sure: Leroy Lita is on board – a fairly quick bit of business after talks w/ Sheffield Utd stalled

Rumoured: a duo of forwards from Olympique de Marseille – Mamadou Samassa and Elliot Grandin – the former a potential centre forward option that’s desperately required, and the latter an additional candidate to spring assaults from his preferred position on the right side of attack; Henri Camara, bequeathed ‘The Rabbit With The Rifle’ in his native Senegal…the striker is available on a free after release from Wigan

Stationary, For Now: Tuncay will be unwrapped for the Championship public to see – no takers yet for the charismatic captain of Turkey…if he’s still around come the end of the transfer window it could prove to be the best ‘signing’ of the off-season

Connecting Through AMS: Afonso Alves, wherever the fuck he goes…France and Qatar are the probable destinations per the latest tattle

Friday will be here shortly, especially if spending the interim steaming drunk. We’ll be cautiously confident of one of these will be on offer whilst at work…

The English Motorway System – West Brom

Side: West Bromwich Albion F.C.

Nickname(s): Albion, The Baggies, The Throstles, West Brom

Ground: The Hawthorns

From Boro: 180 miles slightly southwest

Kit: still trailblazing the sans sponsor look…classic

Supporters: anchored by the official West Bromwich Albion Supporters Club, Baggies are renowned for their passion, nous, and intelligence

The Yo-Yo Men: constantly suspended between the top two divisions it seems…too good for the Championship, but can’t craft the right side for Premier League consolidation…with Mogga now in Glasgow, the appointment of Roberto Di Matteo could bring a welcome change in tact, starting w/ an immediate promotion back to the promised land

The English Motorway System – Watford

Side: Watford F.C.

Nickname(s): The Hornets, Yellow Army, The Horns

Ground: Vicarage Road

From Boro: not quite London calling as Watford sits in the north-eastern reaches of Hertfordshire – 4 hours by car

Kit: some evolution! The 2006-07 kit was streets ahead of that thing

It’s Not A Moose: the large game emblazoned on the crest is actually a hart, as in male deer, and as in Hertfordshire…Watford were the only profession club in the county until Barnet was conceived

Famous Wasps: Luther Blissett was the first Watford player ever capped by England; Kenny Jackett had a playing career shortened by injury, then turned manager (1996-1997); Ashley Young, Marlon King, David James, Ben Foster…none can outshine John Barnes though, who electrified for a 6 year spell from his debut in 1981 right up to the Liverpool departure of 1987

The English Motorway System – Swansea

Side: Swansea City A.F.C.

Nickname(s): The Swans, The Jacks

Ground: Liberty Stadium

From Boro: a long slog halfway into Wales – 330 miles, or nearly 5.5 hours by motor

Kit: can we get a moratorium limiting any more red/white/black kits in this league?

The State They’re In: might be hard to capitalize on last year…Roberto Martinez has done one to Wigan, taking Jason Scotland and Jordi Gomez w/ him…Paulo Sousa assumes the managerial role this season, presumably w/ more security/support than what was offered at QPR

South Wales derby: this hostile tilt fully embodies hooliganism at it’s worst, or best, depending on your perspective: the latest depiction at Ninian Park on 05 April 2009 saw referee Mike Dean struck in the head with a single pound coin after a tangle between Michael Chopra and Jordi Gomez near the end of the first half; and who could forget the incident in 1988 where Cardiff supporters were chased into Swansea Bay by a throng of rabid Jacks fans? ‘swim away’ indeed…

The English Motorway System – Sheffield United

Side: Sheffield United F.C.

Nickname: The Blades

Ground: Bramall Lane – worldwide, it’s the oldest venue still hosting professional footie

From Boro: a little further than Hillsborough at 105 miles – United dominate the southern quadrants of the the city

Kit: very continental…looks Spanish, which isn’t entirely negative…

Made In Sheffield: the club has blazed a far-reaching extension of The Blades brand, investing in clubs from China (Chengdu Blades), Hungary ( Ferencvaros), Australia (Central Coast Mariners), and Belgium (White Star Woluwe)…who needs Jarvis as an ambassador?

The Greasy Chip Butty Song: You fill up my senses/Like a gallon of Magnet/Like a packet of Woodbines/Like a good pinch of snuff/Like a night out in Sheffield/Like a greasy chip butty/Like Sheffield United/Come fill me again…./Na Na Na Naa Naa Naaaaa, ooo!

The Long And Winding Road – 02 Aug

Boro trudged on back home for final pre-season prep after drawing 1-1 @ Millwall – Rhys Williams continued his uprising by contributing a 4^th goal in 5 exhibitions…the gaffer sported a side that probably will not deviate too much from what we’ll see come Friday – Didier Digard, Marvin Emnes, Jonathan Grounds and Gary O’Neil returned from various knacks to take part in east London…Danny Coyne continued deputising for Brad Jones, a look that’ll continue into the real fixtures while Jonesy recovers from his own ankle ailments suffered before Oldham earlier this week

Mido’s off back to Cairo, presumably to start a parmo empire, but he’s gonna be expected to turn up for El Zamalek from time to time after they secured his services on loan…their chairman claims £4m compensation to us is what sealed the move, though speculation mounts about the units of currency we’re dealing with…Anthony Vickers reported it’s not sterling, but Egyptian pounds, which make that £4m more like £450,000…christ, isn’t there a distinguishing symbol for mummy money?

Leroy Lita talks heat up after Boro step in after a breakdown w/ Sheffield United…it’s a risk/reward proposition given the known off-the-pitch proclivities, but the lolly is right (free), and he actually fits the profile of having tangible Championship experience, albeit w/ varying degrees of success…

The English Motorway System – Sheffield Wednesday

Side: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.

Nickname(s): The Owls, SWFC, The Wednesday

Ground: Hillsborough Stadium

From Boro: about 95 miles SSW

Kit: the home top is like a dynamic rendition of Wigan…the pirate teddy bear sponsor is completely adorable too

Wednesday Til I Die: Get giro, Go down pub, Get really plastered, Find a blade, Fuck him up, We are Wednesday bastards!…and this: Oh Sheffield, Oh Sheffield, Is wonderful
Is wonderful Oh Sheffield is wonderful Full of tits fanny and Wednesday Oh Sheffield is wonderful

Who Are Ya?: they’re full of history, they’ve suffered unspeakable tragedy, and they contend in one of the fiercest known football rivalries…but who are Wednesday? granted we’ve been following the Premier League primarily for some time, but Wednesday have been conspicuously absent of promotion, debate, tension, or controversy…has Paddy Kenny’s shadow really loomed that large over all the city?

Any Way You Choose…

Coping with another missed opportunity and flagrant late-match discipline. 8 points and counting left at away grounds; Anfield, Fratton Park, and now Ewood Park…Boro seemed poised for recovery after their last humiliating performance. But there would be no repeat like at Wigan, pilfering all 3 points…a late Benni McCarthy header resigned MFC to a gutting draw.

Parallels to the last away match permeated early. Carlos Villanueva ran roughshod, on the ball all over the pitch. Roque Santa Cruz was a handful upfront, and our attacking was largely absent. Jeremie Aliadiere did have a wonderful, if disjointed, opportunity on 8, volleying a flick off the crossbar. Play was halting due to a possible Tuncay offside infraction, but the flag stayed down, and had JA buried it the Boro would’ve been ahead early. Blackburn bossed it early…Brett Emerton forced Ross Turnbull into a smart save…Santa Cruz tried to tally at the far post, hitting it and skittering back across goal where it was turned out for a  corner.

The 25th minute saw more malfeasance from the assistant referee; Gary O’Neil with a lovely header over the Rovers back line, finding the dearly missed Tuncay, who bulged the net with a stupendous overhead kick…incorrectly disallowed, offside. Replays clearly showed the Turk a full yard on. The Boro should be deservedly ahead, but charge on to see out the rest of the half, absorbing more opportunities from Santa Cruz and company. Right before the break Emerton embarked on a mazy run, laying off to Villanueva…a great chance developing, fortunately snuffed out by the Boro defense. Again, Blackburn was in control, dominating possession and goal chances…0-0 at the break.

More of the same to begin the second 45…Villanueva unencumbered, providing service and unleashing  the odd purler from anywhere he liked. It took 15 minutes or so for our first real chance of the half; Afonso Alves beats the trap and runs onto a ball down the right…controls, cuts inside and rifles a left footer far side, just wide of the post and behind for a goal kick. Blackburn forced things on 65, bring on the S. African Benni McCarthy for a pedestrian Matt Derbyshire…2 natural strikers up front for the Boro to mind.

The first 70 minutes saw Blackburn produce 10 goal opportunities and 4 shots on target, departments they were comfortably ahead in. It meant eff all moments later…GON with a diagonal thru-ball controlled by 13 million pounds of Brazilian strike…two touches and a cut inside precede an absolute stunner that beat a flailing Paul Robinson. Boro get their lead…but we’ve been here before. A tense 15+ minutes to follow…can we hold on? Did we learn from Liverpool/Pompey? A change in previous strategy saw Gate continue to press. Stewart Downing now occupying the right, where he looked less anonymous…a great opportunity to double the lead, but Stewie’s cross too high for a leaping Tuncay. Boro remain steadfast, deflecting Rovers pressure…why won’t this clock run faster? 4 effing minutes of injury time? Shades of @ Sunderland last year…throwing points away at the death. Regrettably, the premonition was bang on…a last gasp for Blackburn…everyone up, including keeper Robinson…Emerton with the ball that finds an unmarked Benni McCarthy rising for a soul crushing equaliser. Blackburn may have felt entitled, producing another lamentable outcome for the visitors.

Well, we needed something after last week. Hard graft on display in red…better to come home with something instead of nothing. Regroup, prepare for Cit-eh at the mid week. Keep Digard in the side…make sure Tuncay stays fit, as he appears to be the motivation and preferred partner for Alves. Also good to see Emnes given his top flight debut, even if only for a few minutes…his skill was evident.

Carlos Villanueva the Bad Motherfucker of the Match…nudging out an indefatigable Jeremie Aliadiere

Player ratings to follow…weekend wrap-ups replete with links too

Likely Lads – Blackburn/Middlesbrough 25 Oct

Player ratings and other musings from Saturday at Ewood Park…sliding beer scale

Kronenbourg: Carlos Villanueva – all over the ball in the first 30 minutes; made life miserable for the Boro defense; great service from dead balls, a few cracks on goal; Jeremie Aliadiere gets a shout for his indefatigability; could have put MFC ahead on 9 if not for the indifferent effort; otherwise stellar, creating chances and harrowing the Blackburn back line

Stella: Roque Santa Cruz – difficult to control; forced a few smart saves from Ross Turnbull, and hit the right post in the first half; Brett Emerton – solid shift from the Aussie international; produced a lovely run that should have amounted to more; delivered the corner that McCarthy headed home for the equaliser; Tuncay Sanli – desperately provided what we have missed since going out in September; criss-crosses the pitch, gets behind defenders; terribly unlucky to have his stunning overhead kick turn goal nullified by a phantom infraction; Alves missed him most

Carlsberg: David Wheater, Gary O’Neil, Emmanuel Pogatetz – solid, composed; Ryan Nelsen, Martin Olsson – physical, crunching, especially the Swede

Heineken: Stewart Downing – he was shit; with each match I increasingly wish we’d cash in on him; surely still worth £10m, no? Matt Derbyshire – best move of the match was giving way to Benni in the 65th; huge departure from the same forward who beat us during last season’s home opener

Never Been To Boro

Sell Stewart Fucking Downing already. His confidence is shot for myriad reasons: missed penalties v Stoke and @ Sunderland; shit international form; makes great business sense, with a replacement already on the payroll. Good business sense was the defining charateristic of the late Luke Young sale. Strangely enough, selling Downing makes more sense in footballing terms.

Holla to Marvin Emnes for getting his first top flight action in red; came on for Tuncay late for nearly 10 mins of action…he needs to play more…blood the youngsters. The decision to hand goalkeeping duties to Ross Turnbull was the right move…imparts considerably more confidence than Brad Jones

…next up for Boro is a visit from Manchester City on Wednesday…little Robson de Souza in form after a hat trick v Stoke this past weekend…remember what happened last time Cit-eh came for a visit?

A Bit of Puff…

…the explicit reason for an inexcusable lack of updates regarding the crucial 4 of 6 points we’ve recently garnered. A 2-0 triumph over Cit-eh last mid-week and a rescue by Mido, again, to secure a 1-1 draw at The Riverside last Saturday v West Ham.  Quick notes, and a mini-Likely Lads for the respective affairs:

Middlesbrough 2 – 0 Manchester City

Afonso Alves introduced some Samba flair to the spot after the first bit of action post restart. Penalty or not? Danny Sturridge unquestionably felled David Wheater, and referee Lee Mason deemed it inside the box. Debate over…Alves beats Tuncay to the reward (no resistance anywhere from Stewart Downing) and sends City keeper Joe Hart the wrong way to give Boro a lead we’d not relinquish. It signaled the beginning of a 40+ minute display of effort, energy, intelligence, and aplomb from the hosts.

Ross Turnbull absorbed the occasional rushes from Shaun Wright-Phillips, Robinho et al. Stephen Ireland and Vincent Kompany also went close for the visitors, only to be bested by the first year keeper. And as City pressed for a late equaliser Boro broke; Gary O’Neil burst down the right unabated…his first time ball for Tuncay was initially cut out, cleared as far as O’Neil, who hammered home his first goal in Boro red. Long overdue, and a fair reward. The Likely Lads? Gary O’Neil, for breaking his duck; Afonso Alves produced a sublime penalty conversion; and Ross Turnbull – continually reaching for that number 1 shirt.

Middlesbrough 1 – 1 West Ham United

Abject for 70 minutes, no indications of any positive carry-over from the City match. Victimised by a comical Hayden Mullins finish that saw us down after 21 minutes. West Ham could’ve easily added more, rendering Boro fortunate at the interval. A change of tack in the second from the hosts, at least personnel wise. Boro did not trouble Hammers keeper Robert Green until the 79th, but Justin Hoyte’s header was ruled out for offside. 5 minutes later would see level terms…super sub Mido was pulled down on the edge of the box; his free kick stayed low on the turf and was unstoppable – Boro draw even at 1-1.

Ross Turnbull was commissioned into heroics late into injury time, pulling a terrific double save on Lee Bowyer and Jack Collison. No late lapses for us, no late bravery for the opponents – a fine point secured to propel Boro to 8th in the table at the end of this round. Likely Lads? West Ham kid Jack Collison, the 20 year old, bossed Boro’s engine room; Mido – 4 league goals so far, all huge, which used to be Mido, but not any more…he’s Parmo free.

Never Been To Boro

Welcome back Julio Arca! The Argentine back v City for a sometimes shady 15 minutes. Carelessly gave the ball away, only to atone with a few effortless tackles of his own, and a few class touches…he was much better v WHUFC. Chris Riggott is most certainly a full-time Premier League calibre centre back. Stoke City throws Arsenal asunder…AFC described as ‘complete lack of giving a shit’…Boro host Arsenal 13 Dec

Let’s Push Things Forward

Aston Villa 1 – 2 Middlesbrough

11 of the last 18 points…unbeaten in 5 of 6, and 4 straight…the superlatives are endless in describing the rich vein of form Boro currently experience. And so early in the campaign, for terrifying starts have been de rigueur so far under Gareth Southgate. The rodgering Chelsea put forth must’ve triggered it…Boro playing smart and incisive football, bossing Villa about the Park.

Early on you could sense an intrinsic difference; playing the easy pass, running to the right areas, making the not-so-easy look routine…the first 30 minutes of Sunday’s tussle in the Midlands were quite tame. Gabriel Agbonlahor was sent through by a surgical ball from Ashley Young, only to be cut out by Chris Riggott. Agbonlahor and Riggott would continue their battles, with the senior squad member for Boro holding his own all match long. Boro pressed in the 34th minute and were gifted by some shambolic defending from Nicky Shorey…Stewart Downing’s cross fell innocently to the feet of Tuncay, who made no mistake…a wicked first timer past the hapless Brad Freidel. Boro lead 1-0.

It was short lived however, poor clearance from Boro spurred a Villa attack. Agbonlahor and Young ping it around the box…play shifts left where Barcode outcast James Milner chipped a lollipop into the area, met by an onrushing Steve Sidwell to head home. Villa have levelled, and quickly…1-1. Stewie saw out the half very brightly…skinning make shift LB Carlos Cuellar, inviting service from the left, even cutting inside and occassionally troubling the Villa keeper with a rasper.

Half Time Fag –

Downing really has been wonderful…yes, i’ve condoned selling him, but still…really brill stuff in the first half; Steve Sid-well done…a meticulous half shift for the former Chelsea outcast/Reading man; David Wheater on the bench for us; didn’t really miss him…Riggott outstanding yet again

The half time pantsing delivered by Marty O’Neill works, for 15 mins anyway…Agbonlahor blasts around Chris Riggott down the left channel on 50 – save Turnbull…ensuing corners cleared; Milner crosses for Sidwell again…wide; Gareth Barry plays a remarkable ball from the by-line to Milner…his shot crashed towards goal – save Turnbull…Boro surviving. A point here makes it 3 in the last 3 trips…are we a bogey side for our gaffers former club?

By and large, we asserted pressure the final 35 mins…apart from the odd mazy Ashley Young run…Villa created a few opportunities, all cut out by our fine back line or equally magical keeper. Afonso Alves woke up and had a few on goal…the most egregious an absolute sitter fluffed from inside 5 yds. After his substitution for Julio Arca Boro and Tuncay were gifted again; Jeremie Aliadiere attempts to kill time in the far Villa corner…he surrenders the ball back to Villa defenders…Steve Sidwell passes to the 12th man…Tuncay pilfers and pounds it past Freidel…88th min…Villa 1- 2 Boro. Going into Everton next weekend these potential points are invaluable. No late match lapses to follow…we control the 3 mins of added time and return home 3 points richer, up to 8th in the league table.

Well done lads…

post match idolatry here and there

remember, he’s done this

oh Jens!!

Barca batter another, while Real toys with another newly promoted side now

and Football Weekly on demand

Likely Lads – Aston Villa/Middlesbrough 08 Nov

Tuncay tees up a winner

It would be criminally easy to salute Tuncay as man of the match. Stewart Downing too. But it was the guy who was loathe to play football such a short time ago. Chris Riggott maintained his top form for another week. Tasked with marking the pacy Gabriel Agbonlahor, the Boro man delivered critical and thoughtful challenges. Attacking angles were cut out, and desperate Villa balls into the box more often than not met his head to clearance.

Astoundingly he made us forget David Wheater was tethered to the bench. The senior Boro man has converted the despair from the football nadir to a return of aggressive form. He’s capitalized on injuries and suspensions to command a recurring role in Boro’s improving back line. Chris Riggott = Peroni!!

Never Been to Boro

Talks reportedly underway to secure our in form first year keeper Ross Turnbull – long overdue…the whole purpose of allowing him to battle Jonesy for the top slot was to allow someone to excel and shine…he’s clearly demonstrated it, so pay him. Extending the original shout out to Stewie…we were all down on him – and he was clearly down on himself. His form @ Villa was exquisite…dominating the left hand side of Villa’s half, cutting inside at will, inventive balls to his attack, great efforts on goal

next match – 16 Nov @ Everton…coverage on Setanta or Setanta Broadband

We’re Having All the Fun

Ambitions to watch the match live Sunday morning were ambushed by a late night drunk. Potential viewing of the last replay was sabotaged by the start of another work week. I was reduced to this…admittedly this whole thing will be cobbled together w/ the likes of this and that.

Other media sources helped piece the puzzle further – we can ascertain this: Gary O’Neil thrived on the right in Aliadiere’s absence, opening the scoring w/ a well placed drive inside the near post in minute 8; we dominated proceedings in the first 45, absorbing occasional pressure from the hosts and launching counter attacks all down the pitch. Julio Arca got his first start since injury at Hibs in an August friendly – 70 profitable minutes before giving way to Adam Johnson. The great form displayed by Chris Riggott over the past 2 months looks to be derailed; the Boro pillar victimised again by injury – hamstring – sure to miss the next few weeks…great opportunity for David Wheater to seize command of a starting spot. Marvin Emnes got another late run…we still need to see more of him. Oh, and fucking cunt Yakubu scored the Everton goal which leveled affairs. No late match heroism from the Toffees this time around though…Everton 1 – 1 Middlesbrough

football skullduggery ahead!

Muy mal por Real Madrid

Boro/Bolton this round…we look to absolve our abject performance in last year’s corresponding fixture

is that the sky falling at Ashburton Grove?

I’m Not Down

Beat up and thrown out of the national side…incredulity surrounding the psyche and current club form…that was Stewart Downing in the recent past. His future surely aided by performances of the present, the Boro winger w/ a stormer of a match today in Berlin as the Germans hosted England. Man of the match says The Sun. Even Paul Doyle w/ the plaudits.

Forever drawing England fans ire, Downing displayed some on the class that has been on offer during Boro’s recent lovely spell of football – assertive on set pieces, blistering pace down the flanks, cutting inside the channels to show off his improving dexterity, rifling shots in the attack and tracking back to provide cover for his full backs. A real cerebral performance. Forget what I said about selling him…even if it would make good business sense.

At Home He Feels Like A Tourist

The twats @ Setanta laughably had the ‘debut’ of Boro/Bolton broadcast at 145a MST…after failing to abstain from the scores all day, we culled some visual interpretations from Bolton battering Boro 1-3

More misery at The Riverside…a nightmarish start coupled with dull and uninspiring finishing resigned Boro to another humiliating failure. The same shit as before; home losses in the last 6 months to inferior Reading, West Brom, and Bolton (effing twice!) sides. This appalling home form marred our most realistic opportunity at a redux of Cup glory. Minus some late match heroics v Stoke by Tuncay, and a late equaliser from Mido against the Hammers, we’d be mired in complete misfortune.

Once again, Gaz was remorseful…so was captain Emanuel Pogatetz, for it was his cynical challenge early on that paved a Bolton advantage. Another quick goal, courtesy of Matt Taylor, doubled the visitors lead and buried Boro further. There were occasional chances, mostly negated by questionable finishing, poor timing, and smart Bolton defending from the likes of Kevin Nolan, who cleared one of two goalbound efforts from Gary O’Neil off the lines at the latest of moments. Jeremie Aliadiere returned to the starting XI with David Wheater, but there was nothing to conjure from the recent run to reject Bolton’s advances.

Stewart Downing made like he was shit for England v Germany…Afonso Alves added to more bust conjecture; is he too high maintenance for a mid-table club like ours? This rash of home inadequacy must end…fucking now…there is a chance to achieve something special and respectable…top half of the table and an outside push for Europe beckon…grab it by the balls, squeeze, and exert your will.

a good place to run and hide from the abject desolation

Valladolid victorious again in the gauntlet, and the 0-0 hurrays spread to Spain as well

Pressure Drop

Mad props to Raul, from Arizona Broadband, for fixing the satellite TV late Friday afternoon…all after flagging him down in the parking lot and begging and pleading. He made a live Saturday morning viewing of Boro/Fucking Barcodes a reality w/ his benevolence – forget the fact the shit went out again later in the afternoon. Qwest are complete fuckers…

Middlesbrough 0 – 0 Newcastle United Eff Cee

The latest rendition of the Tyne-Tees derby ended in a damp fog – much like the match played out on the pitch befallen by it. Boro needed a positive display to atone for last week v Bolton. Newcastle, buoyed by the appointment of Joe Kinnear until the end of the current season, looked to capitalise on their recent performance at Chelsea, maybe nicking a point at The Riverside too. Conditions were bordering on appalling, preventing either side from seizing control early on. Julio Arca joined the starting XI for the first time in the league this campaign; his presence signalling a more defensive minded approach in the midfield where he was paired w/ Didier Digard. Confident start from Stewart Downing…after a poor free kick on 15 minutes, he attacked shortly afterward, parading down the left channel and cutting inside to fire an incisive ball, off his right foot, high and wide of Shay Given’s goal.

Boro continued a dominant spell, projecting action on the attack – the final ball and an additional bit of quality were completely lacking. NUFC really did little in the first 35 minutes…Tuncay ran amok…Alves ran, not always in favourable positions…Downing pushed forward w/ Jeremie Aliadiere…Arca had a crack on goal in the 31st minute, later providing an inviting ball for AA, only to be felled by Jose Enrique. The ensuing goal kick sparked a great chance for the visitors…Danny Guthrie teed up Obafemi Martins for a howitzer off the crossbar…Ross Turnbull was helpless. Boro bungled about for the last 10 minutes of the half; Newcastle came close on a Nicky Butt free kick, but nothing more. 0-0 at the intermission.

Half Time Fag -

Aimless ambling from Afonso Alves so far – maybe he needs a holiday? Emanuel Pogatetz, steely and smart…Jonas Gutierrez is arguably Newcastle’s most gifted player…Tuncay and Aliadiere are indefatigable at times…good stuff from Stewie

Boro come out blazing early in the second half, Downing continuing a high quality of multi-footed service. AA got in on the action, linking and communicating w/ his attack partners. He comforted a Digard cross at the top of the box and unleashed a rasper, deflected out for a corner – Newcastle continue doing nothing except defend. Alves drifted wide at the right times, gathering pace to barrel forward onto goal – two really sublime runs minutes from each other, both cut out by desperate Newcastle defending. Geordie FC injected some venom into the already tense affair, swapping the pretty good overall Obafemi Martins for former Boro hitman Mark Viduka.

It didn’t take long for the best parmo customer ever to make an imprint…his right cannon foot got on the end of a pinball in the box…Turnbull dealt with it. The best scoring chance of the match came at 75 minutes – Boro attacking again, this time down the right flank…Jeremeie Aliadiere cuts into the box past two Newcastle defenders, slotting a sweet pea to Justin Hoyte, his effort parried away by a world-class Shay Given. JA made way for Mido a few minutes later…both sides not completely content w/ a point…David Wheater gets on the end of a Downing cross and pulls one wide…Charles N’Zogbia produced a chance that dragged wide of the far post at the other end…AA earned a free kick he subsequently wasted. Despair nearly set in during added time…Jonas Gutierrez skinning the Boro defence to the by-line, setting up Viduka w/ a succulent cross that was wasted by the big Bruce. N’Zogbia fired a final shot across the bow to signal the end…a tepid 0-0 draw

Gazza’s take

Pictures and words from Saturday

Different Class

Outdone again late on the road – more valuable points dropped. A delightful goal for us with just over 10 minutes left was nullified by a quick following six minutes of hell. The inability to manage a late lead was flagrant once more and Boro continued a slip into the lower stretches of the table.

Hull City 2 – 1 Middlesbrough

Things started freshly for Boro; Stewart Downing seeming less mercurial, controlling the left flank, cutting inside and having an early effort on goal…Justin Hoyte was overlapping Jeremie Aliadiere on the right, providing a depth in attack not usually present. Hull did not cobble anything meaningful together until 20 minutes on…Geovanni was beginning to link nicely w/ Marlon King. The Brazilian had a go on 22 minutes, cleared by Boro breaking on the attack. It was a nice frenzied spell that saw the hosts surge back their way…ultimately ended when JA tracked back to clip out an onrushing George Boateng just outside the 18 yard box.

Geovanni continued to assert, emerging completely unmarked in the Boro box moments later, the recipient of a great Marlon King ball…his finishing was shocking – headed well wide of Ross Turnbull’s goal. King was exploiting Andrew Taylor down the right, routinely finding space to lace balls into the center for GV to run on to. It’s remarkable we aren’t down at least a goal at this stage. And again, in the 43rd minute, Geovanni teleported into the center of the Boro box, alone, only to produce a similarly flaccid effort miles off target. The half closed with a Boro burst – Aliadiere bundled a ball through the Hull box…Tuncay whiffed and Downing’s right foot sent it wide. 0-0 at the break.

Half-Time Fag -

Afonso Alves…assiduous…just couldn’t get on the end of anything from Downing or Digard…can’t overstate this enough – Geovanni is the best player on the pitch and should have at least 2 goals…Boro have more corners, but Hull enjoy 58% of the ball

It was that guy again to start the second half…GV had a crack at goal with a rasping right footed effort that skidded wide. Former Boro man Nicky Barmby participated in the growing Hull attack with a header that was barely off target. The visitors gained a foothold minutes later, Tuncay finally synching w/ AA, fanning the ball wide for Stewie to deliver a nice cross. Phil Brown dipped into his bench first, a double switch that would prove effective; Bernard Mendy on for Nicky Barmby and Daniel Cousin replacing Dean Marney. Action was at a premium for the next 15 minutes or so, and then the match erupted.

Boro transformed a benign counter attack into a sizzling spell capped by a classy finish from Tuncay…Justin Hoyte marshaled the attack down the right, gaining entry into the box and slipping a ball across for the Turk to backheel into the net…Boro lead after 78 minutes. Then it went to shit. Bernard Mendy advanced on a frightened Andrew Taylor to thump a shot off the post, then off Ross Turnbull, into the net…less than 60 seconds later we were level. The nadir was reached 5 minutes later; David Wheater sent off with a straight red card for a foul on an off side Geovanni. Marlon King converted from the spot and Hull had their lead on a 10 man Boro.

Didier Digard was swapped for Seb Hines, and Boro tried to mount a reply. Shouts for penalty went unheard when JA tumbled in the box; AA saw a free kick effort deflected wide for a corner. No more from the Teessiders…Hull smahed and grabbed our points.

It all came out post match w/ Gaz…the squad is too small, we can’t protect late advantages…all questions that existed since the summer…do we have resources to address this?

Complete Control(?)

Boro remain the scepter for Arsenal…a run of 5 unbeaten versus les hommes de Wenger. Live viewership was impaired due to faffing about with this for a good 30 minutes – we get the broader picture courtesy a late Sunday afternoon replay…

Middlsebrough 1 – 1 Arsenal

A new look Boro took the pitch, borne not just of necessity, but necessity of invention. Emanuel Pogatetz  slid to left back, Chris Riggott and Robert Huth returned from injury, and Tony McMahon made his first senior start in over 2 years. Adam Johnson occupied the right side, w/ Jeremie Aliadiere deployed up top as a lone striker. The hosts were fulgent and lively to start – asking the questions of Arsenal, until an egregious lapse in the 17th minute. AFC won their first corner – Cesc picked out Emmanuel Adebayor on his own private island in the geographic center of the 6-yard box to head home the opener. Late goals, goals from set pieces, late goals from set pieces – they all conspire to doom us.

As the end to end action tapered, a calm and composed display was being put forth by recent loan returnee McMahon – he’ll get his immediate chance to secure the spot now. He proved attacking as well, deflecting a poor clearance from Gael Clichy into the path of Tuncay – the Turk pounced and pinged a laser across the box to a stooping  JA for a glancing header to equalise. The move easily equalled the class the pair portrayed @ The Emirates last year for Boro’s goal in that tetchy 1-1 draw. We continued to press…in the 36th min an ironclad penalty was dismissed as Clichy clipped an onrushing Adam Johnson. Not just contact, but intent – time to relax the restrictions on remonstration and adherence to the Respect agenda…successive weeks on the ass end of abject decisions. Robin van Persie fluffed the last real scoring chance of the half, fizzing a shot across and past the far post. 1-1 at the break…

Half Time Fag

Didier Digard – really resourceful and claiming his midfield position…JA flourishing in his natural role, relishing the additional space he has to operate…Nigel Winterburn is absolutely fantastic as a football commentator

Both sides returned to action brightly. Stewart Downing attached to a lovely ball from Julio Arca, firing directly at Manuel Almunia. RVP followed at the opposite end, agonizing the away support w/ another near goal. Abou Diaby spent the next 15 minutes trying to add to his existing yellow card. Separate incidents in the 77th and 79th both warranted bookings. Arsene dispatched Nicklas Bendtner to replace him before referee Peter Walton was given another chance to deliberate. The Danish sub and his lime boots nearly put Arsenal ahead…Ross Turnbull deflected his shot for a corner. Bendtner again emerged later in the 3 minutes of added time…this time his header went far and high. Gaz freshened up the midfield with the additions of Mohamed Shawky and Marvin Emnes – Digard and Adam Johnson made way…cosmetic only in their effect. Full time arrived…Boro 1-1 Arsenal.

Completely acceptable and encouraging given the suspensions/injuries/shattered confidence of Brazilian strikers…Adam Johnson to Barca/Inter/Bayern rumours should persist now after an intelligent and energetic performance. We’ll have to keep him though if Stewie is heading south to the capital…

Real Madrid lost…and won @ the Nou Camp?

precise punditry awaits

No Fun

You’ll get one Gmail chat rendition of the United match and one Gmail chat rendition only cos I’m a lazy bastard…

1:06 PM me: Gazza knows how to shake things up…fucking Matthew Bates @ RB? god help us

1:07 PM why not play Wheater there to accommodate Huth?

1:09 PM Tim: shit…forgot it was on…

whats the latest

1:10 PM me: play a fucking 4-3-3 and go for it…put Emnes on the right, Downing in a central role w/ Arca, Johnson on the left w/ Tuncay and JA linking play to Afonso Bramble

Tim: damage limitation eh…

1:11 PM that shirt is gillingham 1999 – tis on setanta

so its a bad 4-5-1….?

1:12 PM me: more like 4-4-1-1

Tuncay in the hole

Tim: they are pushing support up…..

watch the counter…Man U Love that

me: the quality in the shirt is more Gillingham…more so than Inter, or even fecking Brugges

1:13 PM Tim: lets decide in 83 mins,,,,

me: k…replay is on @ 545p tho I’m forging on w/ the MBM

I like to watch car crashes

Tim: shall i forward any news?

1:14 PM me: only if a plane strikes

the United dugout

Tim: u survived a corner….

me: 17 more to go

Tim: lol

1:15 PM me: k…think good thoughts 4 us

Tim: i hope they have a bloody go….

GS isn’t gonna squeak a 0-0

me: he’d gladly take it tho

Tim: corner your lot !!!!

1:16 PM were away fans banned?

me: lol

they’re wearing red too…they

MUST be blending in

1:17 PM Tim: the lack of a cheer for the corner was my clue

me: maybe they’re enjoying a prawn butty?

Tim: berbatov looks bored…

me: newsflash

1:18 PM Tim: riggett just decided park was pissing him off

down u go

superman with the free kick

just missed wide right

18″ or so

me: like one of yours…shaving the post

1:19 PM Tim: they should use the USPS post

its down the right end now

oh…was

manure are looking for quick attacks

1:20 PM but running into bodies

live ones!

here they come again

foul by pogo

kick the bast*rds

nice

superman again….

1:21 PM 15 boro players in the box

crap kick

pressure off

back on

1:22 PM another foul

sorta

tuncay this time

ronaldo again

me: good thing it’s not like basketball where you get disqualified for too many hacks

Tim: lol

2 man wall

deflected the right way for turnbullintoownnet

1:23 PM here they come again

me: hey hey hey

Bishop auckland man there

Tim: boro attacking

1:24 PM still!!

downing fouled

by rafael

well wide though

alves decent crack

slipped a bit and blocked

decent 1/2 chance

1:25 PM AIG counter

me: rule no 1 when scouting Brazilians…if they’ve never even had a sniff of an intl call-up, don’t bother

Tim: Gibson insists nobody is leaving in Jan….

(except GS?)

me: lol

Tim: alves a good turn…

1:26 PM decent shot

me: ‘no PLAYER is leaving in January!!’

Tim: over the top

man u countered

rooooonaldo missed a sitter

defence all asunder

1:27 PM carrick clatters downing again

he needs to move the ball inside!!

hoof into box

goal kick

ronaldo 5 shots so far

1:28 PM in 23 mins!

rooney excellent move

crowded out

man u rebuild

1:29 PM both teams seem to be looking to counter

which is twisted

master bates bad balls….

jermaine defending well…

1:30 PM me: jeremie?

Tim: we support our local team chant

boror fans are there…

yes forgot his name after sold

1:31 PM “we had a shorter drive”

boro very slow build up…

me: always classic

Tim: to no avail

1:32 PM man u fast ball wide to berba

zings around a bit…but nothing on

counter!!!

alves

shit ball

man u counter

1:33 PM rafael equally shit

SAF looks drunk

or cold

me: both

Tim: arca great ball

finds downing

and shot is a bad end to a nice pass

bah

1:34 PM downing was behind 2nd orange cone

counter

me: wellied it into the creek

Tim: ronaldo another nice shot

right nto rt’s belly

that hurt

me: ross is a big dude tho

1:35 PM Tim: tuncay fouled

looks cold

long hoof into box again

and headed out again

yawn

counter again

RT nice fist

rafael might have scored

blasts side netting

1:36 PM i could cut and paste this game

gills/villa fa cup on setanta!

ok…

back to this

1:37 PM man u passing

running

passing

wheater big noggin

out

man u again

rooooonaldo crap cross

1:38 PM 33mins…all is well

ronaldo wincing…stomach ache?

great counter

rooney messed it up

berbatov so deep…

1:39 PM no strikers…weird

huth hurt – hurt huth

no…wheater

sorry

big guy

hes ok…

corner wasted

wheaters shorts are torn to the waistband

1:40 PM bloody sexy

boro break

JA

alves

corner….off Evans

u still here?

me: oh yes

Tim: ok…

lo

corner

1:41 PM me: really enjoying this

Tim: gills/////

boro

milan

n=messy

ball all over box

but out …

boro press on

downing runs closer to box

changes his mind

1:42 PM oneill gives it away

manucounter ™

park

carrick shot

blocked

man u wide

foul by bates

he is being mastered

1:43 PM FK wide left

corner off alves?

big head ronaldo…

vidic blasts the extra point

gk boro

1:44 PM i think if boro slow the pace…it might help…

lots of fouls

fk boro

long hoof

into box

to goalie

me: but that allows utd to tighten up their shape and really pounce on mistakes (which are certain to happen)

1:45 PM Tim: but reduces the counter

which is all theyve really done

ok boro onward

across 1/2 way

hoof

bahhhh

1:46 PM manucounter

boro 8 back

man u dilly dally

park out left

good ball

berbatov

stuck under feet

boro counter

SD

tuncay

slows it

all is well

1:47 PM JA wide right

oneill big cross alves

soft header

no issues

a;ves fouled stripe

i predict a long hoof into box

1:48 PM long hoof to corner flag instead

wasters

44mins

game in hand being pissed away

man u hoof

1:49 PM rooney good shot

good save also

corner

cleared

me: can we get a hlf point @ Ht and call it a day?

Tim: boro 19 men back

surelly

another corner

other side

bin dipper

bad corner

1:50 PM man u still

attacking

wheater clears

throw

man u

half time

ronaldo telling the ref off

doesn’t think pogo should have tried to strangle him

1:51 PM from the corner

which he did

and it was good

ok,….typing break

i can do more if u want? in 15

me: he said ‘didn’t u see what i did to that Possebon last time we was here?’

Tim: lol

1:52 PM me: yes…take a break…outstanding stuff…thx

Tim: sure

be back after p*ss and fag

me: it’s like ur @ the match

piss/pint/fag/pie

1:55 PM Tim: ok…piss sorted

funny man u prob had 11-12 shots – berba none…

is mido fit?

1:57 PM i think SD looks most likely to get it changed, if he can leave the touchline

1:58 PM jamie scouse redknapp says ronaldo should have won a pen

pogo and ronaldo went head to head down the tunnel

had to be pulled apart

1:59 PM no love lost here is there

2:01 PM me: Mido prolly injured himself getting out of the tomb

always happens on match day

2:05 PM Tim: dvds on half.com or so much less than amazon

overall

are so*

2:06 PM only list about 30-40%

2:07 PM ok

players are out

boro did return…same 11

2:09 PM it looks really cold

ok

kicked off

me: re: half…just good to have a seperate outlet

Tim: man u attacking the stretford end….if that matters

2:10 PM foul…man u atack

down the right

hit flecther in the back

yes he is playing

GK

throw boro

RH midfld

2:11 PM matty bates

strong wrists

arca

bates

alone

wheater gives it away

not punished

phew

SD

into box

evans out

2:12 PM man build

slow

carrick

give and go

ronaldo

hacked

by bates

covered by bates

messy

and hard

2:13 PM steve gibson is there

me: calm down Larry Flynt

Tim: dressed in black

pogo fould

by ronaldo

me: ohhhh

Tim: who says ‘want some’

me: punch him!

Tim: in portugese

nothing happens

yet,,,,,!

FK

middle of park

2:14 PM HOOOOOOF

me: it’s that captains composure

Tim: foul

riggott

boro

SD

tuncay

wude

SD

me: $10 we get some one sent off as a result of all this kerfuffle

Tim: fair cross

cleared

both for $20

2:15 PM me: nope…only us will be impacted

Tim: tiny tim is pointing…

boro

scrappy

man u get a counter

good tackle CR

is his first name Chris??

me: yep

Tim: kewl

ok

boro build

wide

shiiiiiiiiiit ball

2:16 PM throw man u

long bll to park

out

uh oh

berrba

nothing doing

CR

park again

pinball defending

no worries

2:17 PM park slices arca

ouch

yellow card

blind side

silly foul

me: thought he was a dog

Tim: fk

hoof

baaaah

another foul

me: not really goin 4 it eh?

2:18 PM Tim: no…but not awful

man u have little variance either

quiet as hell at the theatre of wet dreams

man u slow build

boro defend deep

2:19 PM got ball cback

pogo charges

SD -

Alves

gives it away

counter

to no avail

superman not so super

55 mins

2:20 PM handball…

arca?

man u come back up

slow — like they are ahead…

weird

CR another good tackle…(MOM?)

tuncay

alves

shot…

corner

nice

4 men in attack!!!

corner

r side

2:21 PM oneill

funcay foul

waste

but he said sorry

boot in the chest

tuncay*

arca

great 4 on 3

2:22 PM but horrible pass

me: come on

Tim: thats crap

me: damn

Tim: corner down other end

man u

vidic

crap…

boro back on attack

JA

back

then a hoof

to vandersat

2:23 PM argentina chants have started

boro with more possession this half

foul fletcher

boro kick

near mid stripe

well wider

straight to keeper

2:24 PM coutner

oooooooooohhhhhhh

yikes

wheater

does ok

clear

me: you r inducing arrythmia over here

Tim: boro on ball

go on….

shitty foul on tuncay

not called

2:25 PM me: of course not

Tim: boro have men up

need a pass

SD

tuncy

wide

JA

bates…

ja

good ball

oneill

wide

batesnice cross

really cross

nice

2:26 PM tuncay diving header

wide

great effort

scholes on

for flecther

neville

on for rafaeel

tuncay was brave

good try

62 mins

boro again

SD

me: I just learned the neville cunts were fathered by neville neville

Tim: good long shot

just over

2:27 PM yep

boro better team last 5-10

man u up

ronaldo wide

back

scholes

good pass

park

JA hacks park

FK wide left

2:28 PM 30 meters?

crossed

park rifles it

into…the back of

PARK !!!

me: stop it!!!

Tim: rooney

crap shot

(adding drama)

2:29 PM shot hit vidic

all is well

me: we haven’t won in 7…drama aplenty

Tim: pogo playing nice

shall we sing a song for you

park slips

arca

SD

bahh

2:30 PM now park

great shot

sloppy save

but enuff

to push wide

corner

park best man u playeer

scholes

digs it

but wide

wanker

me: ginger

Tim: no thats me says bates

GK

all good

2:31 PM berba

CR

neville

man u throw

passing around

berba

neville

long cross

prk

back to CR

shot

wide right

too straight

2:32 PM 67 mins…

man u again

berba

carrick

charged down shot

bates

carrick

berba

goal…

shit…

sorry

1-0

crap

me: wasn’t a matter of if, but when

2:33 PM Tim: crossed back in

wheater effed up

couldnt clear it

berba saw daylight

it was after boro had a good spell

ok…now what

me: we’ll lose 3-0

Tim: nah

2:34 PM 1-1

69 mins

ok

rooney

trys a fancy lob

made us look good

boro GK

berbas 1st shot….

bah!

2:35 PM ok….push at them

man u with ball

hoof

behind defence

ouch

berba

scuffs

park misses sitter

2:36 PM SAF looks pissed off

wot a miss

scholes

ronaldo

whack

shit

saved

just

!

boro

arca

SD

2:37 PM tuncay

SD

slower build

JA

still with ball

back to def

arca

tuncay

gives it away

2:38 PM man u

forward

goal has charged them up

me: they smell blood

Tim: boro look laboured now

carrick forward far too often

park another nice run

decent bender

but wide

2:39 PM boro sub

at last

marvin

me: oh, he gets 20 mins this time

Tim: rooney pickin up loose stuff now

man u first to every ball

rooney offside

just

me: i was on, like

2:40 PM Tim: JA off

emnes on

going wide

or centre?

me: Emnes more natural there than JA…can also play up front too…

Tim: neville

wide

CRon

carrick

2:41 PM neville

good cross

nice solo work by bates

uses his head

gently

berba

tackle by cr

mnan u slower

passing it about

schooles

me: he wasn’t premature?

2:42 PM Tim: park fouled

bates came up on him

no…timely

handball oneill

silly

wide to scholes

boro cant get the ball

2:43 PM goal has killed the ambition

shot blocked

arca

corner man u

79 mins

where is the bloody urgency?

corner

carrick

shot

over

they need something now

2:44 PM man u can kill games

unlike us….

man u throw

keep winning 50/50 balls

berba

Cron

emnes

tackles back

2:45 PM wins thow

possesion last 5 91/9

!!!

man u with ball

again

boro

counter

2 up

bad cross

dammit

2:46 PM alves

gets it back

boro slow build

SD now central

sD wide right

wins a corner?

no

throw

bates tosses it

to arca

to goalie

2:47 PM sheep shagger geting ready

man u

with ball

mf

pass

pass

pass

pass

pass

run

rooney

park

rooney

2:48 PM to RT

big kick

right back to MAN

why????

keep the bloody ball

CRon off

sheep boy on

2:49 PM post goal its been shite

park

shot

another cracker

and wide

me: at least 3 great chances 4 him

Tim: wheayter burned

emens

tuncay

near box

no help for tuncay

sad

berba

rooney

park

2:50 PM pass

pass

pass

boro cant get t upfield

86 mins

bor

1/2 wqay

emnes

bates

2:51 PM oneill

arca

good ball

no

bck to alves

arca

into area

alves fouls the ugly neille

silly fouls

all game long

fk

vendersar

2:52 PM 87-45

fk

alves fouls again

he’s just a spectator

pass

man

pass

pass

park

into box

scholes

filthy

on bates

2:53 PM yellow

boro

emnes

arca

hit in face?

no kick??

come on ref

berba slapped him

me: same shit happened Fri Utd/Stoke

Tim: not on purpose

2:54 PM tuncay

oneill

midway

90:00

2 mins

3 mins

added

tuncay long

bad pass

tuncay passing has been off

2:55 PM gl man u

man u lost ball

emmnes

tackled

bro

moving it

SD

bah

crap

counter

to RT

9120

GK

back to man u

why doesnt he roll it out????????

2:56 PM man u

pass

tuncay gets in

emnes

arca

SD

wude

pogo

SD

long shot

and poor

should have passed it

9220

GK

me: he’ll be w/ Spurs very soon

Tim: man u fans heading back to LHR

2:57 PM last hoof

9250

me: our fans back 2 their caravans

Tim: emnestuncay

SD

cross

blocked

CORNER !!!

ref will allow?

yes…

corner

coming

arca

emes

tuncay

offside

overhead kick

2:58 PM hit post?

but two were miles offside

alves/tuncay

did hit post

game over

1-0

emnes worked hard

SD wasted some chances

2:59 PM me: it’s bewildering that he hasn’t had a full run yet

Tim: ok here it comes

RT 6

Bates 7.5

Pogo 7

me: those in the know think he’s a fantastic Dutch prospect and will feature for them soon

Tim: Wheater 5.5

Arca 6

JA 6

SD 5.5

Alves 4.0

3:00 PM Riggtt 7.0

Tuncay 6 (only cos i know he’s better than that)

u have a match report…..

!!!

me: he’s tireless…I’m concerned that the lack of class and quality around him kills his game

3:01 PM Tim: Oneill 5.5 (he was insipid)

thanks for all your emails

me: thx much geezer…

Tim: sure

me: that’s me saying bye

Tim: sorry it wasnt a draw////

me: your Bates entendres made it worthwhile

Tim: man u had prob 20-22 shots?

bates tosses it…….

3:02 PM saved that for a throw

boro 8 or 9?

me: ?

Tim: shots

me: ohhh

Tim: im guessing///

21-9 is my guess

me: u will b given full credit on the blog

Tim: look it up….lol

me: i shall…thx

Tim: k – talk soon

me: ciao

Resigned…

…to more relegation anguish. More late oversight led to a late Sunderland equaliser as Boro typhooned valuable points yet again. Impassioned rallying cries from skipper Emanuel Pogatetz – clear the air talks between Steve Gibson and Stewart Downing’s contingent… Nothing could outdo a superb low cross from seldom used Roy Keane left-over David Healy that was tucked away by Kenwyne Jones. Not as gutting as last season when Liam Miller leveled late, this one maybe more so, for results are what will keep players like  Stewart Downing at your club. And Boro aren’t getting results…no wins in 9 and a daunting trip to a West Brom side that not only is playing better football of late, but also blagged a win at the Riverside in September.

The annual general panic has struck at an unfamiliar time…during Gareth Southgate’s first two campaigns Boro played better around the holiday programme to compensate for shoddy starts. The fulgent start to the campaign tantalized Teesside; this was the season…a svelt side crafted by the former Boro centre-back himself. Deadwood cut adrift; smart business in the summer to remain prudent but aggressive. That approach is just magnifying the deficiencies. Didier Digard and Josh Walker seemed to form a dynamic pairing, full of verve and composure – both got severely crocked by and were subbed off. We finished w/ a full back assuming a commanding position in the unique 4-5-1 deployed by the gaffer for the period of the match the derby rivals looked as if they would abscond w/ all 3 points. The patience is wearing thin.

Downing will stay, as will other members of the senior squad – for now. The bewildering proposed swap of Mido for Newcastle United Juniors third striker Alan Smith is off. I can’t imagine the Egyptian being too chuffed with a move further northeast.Pending the outcome of the final 16 matches, he may not have much of a choice…unless he doesn’t mind playing in the Championship…

Less Than Zero

The momentum generated from a decent cup win @ Wolves…the smart loan move to jettison Mido in exchange for Marlon King…it’s all gone. Boro’s other transfer target Ben Watson left Teesside at the altar in favour of a steamy affair w/ upstarts Wigan. And nevermind it was that Mido scoring the equaliser v Liverpool today…

The visit to Stamford Bridge was win-win actually…everyone expects us to get stomped – alternatively, get any sort of result and suddenly the spotlight of struggle and mediocrity finds another of the bottom dwellers. The formation and approach suggested Gareth would put 10 quid on a 0-0, if morally acceptable. Boro bet they could soak up pressure as opposed to putting their opposition under it. Marlon King got the expected debut – and the results were less than magical. The best service offered him was dummied at the top of the area…strangely microcosmal, surely…

We made it to half-time on even terms, largely due to the litany of revolting free kicks and corners from Frank Lampard. Chelsea players hit the turf and play halted – our attackers were felled in equal numbers, only to spur a fast counter down the other end. And like the old adage, Chelsea walked by once too often before finally getting a haircut – they opened the scoring via a set-piece. Salomon Kalou tidying up a messy ball in the area right past a hapless Ross Turnbull. He made up for earlier profligacy, while also continuing a run of scoring v Boro – 2 on the trot…he tallied during the 5-0 mauling in October. Kalou got another later on, right before a substitution that clearly happened too late…this time he was unmolested, Turnbull flapping wildly and coming up empty on another Lampard corner kick.

The decision to bring on Tuncay and Alves simultaneously could have been profitable had we not already been behind. Again, tactics and strategy…dodgy decisions? And why do we continue giving up goals off of set-pieces? Our gaffer was an English international defender…pretty effing good too, spot kicks aside. Let’s hope he conjures a plan B in the next 5 days – the rhetoric that our players are good enough to right the ship is slowing morphing into horseshit. But even if the cash is made available, do we have enough confidence our scouting network can identify the right talent? It’s been right shifty thus far. Let’s not even mention Marvin Emnes – management is under the impression he is available for cup duty only.

Get Up and Go

Mutiny on River Tees – supporters in droves suggest the former captain at the helm of near European glory should fuck right off before our situation becomes more grave. The architect of this ignominy must go…another sickening home display, this time to fellow relegation-scrappers Blackburn. Forget the ‘earned’ point; the fan base can discern between that and what this surely was – a rejection of a lifeline to survival. The next goal we score can’t even be forecasted, let alone the next league win:

@ Man City

Wigan

Liverpool

@ Spurs

Portsmouth

@ Stoke

Points exist to the optimist, but not convincingly. The back end of the fixture list is nastier – this is truly it. Truth be told, the opportunity to bring in a new management  perspective has passed. Who’d inherit this bunch? Bring in a mercenary like Avram Grant, or preferably, Sven. When will Steve Gibson realise an investment like that will equate to more shared spoils amongst the member clubs of England’s top flight?

Can’t Con An Honest John

Marlon King is ostensibly happy to be at Middlesbrough FC. Was the vetting process thorough enough? The former Gillingham man is known to be a handful – ask Dean Windass. But if his transgressions couldn’t be corralled by Steve Bruce or Phil Brown, how the feck can we expect GS to do so?

Bruce has been successful in his transition to management – guiding Birmingham City to promotion and now steering Wigan towards a record finish. Phil Brown appears as if he can motivate one through a brick wall. His tough love approach w/ the Premier League novices has garnered attention – remember the public dressing down on the City of Manchester Stadium pitch. If these motivators of men couldn’t harness the Jamaican’s natural goal scoring abilities, who on the Boro payroll could?

Ride Your Donkey

While concurrently complex, football is a simple game. Passing, defending, attacking, and SCORING FUCKING GOALS. The last dimension is seemingly lost on Middlesbrough at the moment – 1 goal in the last 8 league matches. This dovetails nicely into the middle of an abject run of form…winless in the last 13 top flight matches. At Eastlands last Saturday Boro came w/ attacking nous, creating several decent scoring opportunities…the finishing was dire, only to be somewhat underscored by a class performance from new Cit-eh keeper Shay Given.

A tired repackaging of the same stale rhetoric followed post-match. Their keeper played a blinder. We created good chances. We’ve been on the wrong end of some decisions. Hopefully our luck will turn. There is a groundswell of negativity centered on Southgate – the consensus believes if he really loves this club he should walk away.

But the optimist views from a distance, noting that one or two results puts Boro back in the familiar reaches of lower mid-table. Maybe their sense of entitlement clouds any other rational judgement? It’s all a load of bollocks – our condition is critical, and we are lapsing towards Championship coma.

Suspect Device

Marlon King’s alleged sex crime…

Candid afternoon reaction and discussion:

Gunner 71: subject – so he can attack? http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/feb/12/marlon-king-football-assault-charge

Sightsee MFC: I was waiting all day for that…

Gunner 71: u got it 4 seconds after i read it…

Sightsee MFC: but seriously, realising there is a timeframe for these things to manifest, how do we not query the player/agent about any possible transgressions that could resurface?

makes us look like fucking idiots – granted, Mido is lazy/injury prone/disruptive, but if he’s bashing birds at the disco no one knows about it

Gunner 71: funny…i thought the same thing…this must have been known….

What A Waster

FA Cup finality eluded – profligacy at its best…Boro squandered opportunity after opportunity to net an unwanted, and unneeded, extra fixture amongst the labyrinth to Premier League safety. And to allow an equaliser in that fashion, again…pitiful.

Alves was effing garbage. Good scoring opportunities could’ve been great ones – Didier Digard wonderfully winning a midfield ball and marauding forward…after cutting it back at the 18-yard box he failed to spot Afonso Alves and Adam Johnson unencumbered on the left, certainly hungry for at least a chance to whack it goalward. Stewart Downing’s actual execution of the final product was good, just inevitable yards wide of the target.

Boro were undone by more late match absent-mindedness. An admittedly incredulous handball whistled on Gary O’Neil led to the break West Ham sought – a goal much like Downing’s…a ball whipped into the box that bounced freely, finding the head of Herita Ilunga, who finally beat a heroic Brad Jones.

So here we go again – a cluster of home matches to provide the impetus to retention of top flight privileges. Wigan is another in a recent flurry of must-win matches. Will we get a performance of steel and industry, knowing anything less would proliferate a keen interest in far away locales like Swansea and Cardiff…Plymouth, Bristol – requisite destinations in the frugal and forign reaches of the lower leagues.

Research your cliches – employ them…hope, pray…13 matches – do we have the balls?

Such A Twat

Demonstrations Of A Defeatist Attitude – it’s the working title of the unauthorized biography ghost penned by scores of Boro supporters who’ve had enough of the lies, rhetoric and bombast. While on the fast track to relegation, your gaffer publicly lauds an incredulous tackle from an erstwhile club starlet, on one of the few signings you haven’t completely balls up. Said more-than-decent signing is now crocked for 12 weeks w/ damage to both legs  – and now we’re even more fucked in midfield than before. And the erstwhile club starlet is a midfielder! Who could’ve achieved the breakout he was so desperate to garner in his hometown colors! Poetic injustice such as that cannot be fabricated…

Digard got sent off for a tackle much less malignant at The Hawthornes; Emanuel Pogatetz saw red in the league cup v. United for a tackle even less than that. Lee Cattermole should have been given his marching orders Saturday – Boro could have capitalised on the man advantage and got three precious points. The red would have been rescinded. All parties profit.

It’s the disparity that’s maddening. The run of rotten luck amazingly exceeds the barren current stretch of 14 league matches w/out a win. Understanding that officiating is inexact, and the human element is integral to the sport – even FRANK FUCKING LAMPARD was sent off against Liverpool recently. The card was incorrectly given and quickly overturned…after all, Frank is impervious to punitive measures and miles above the law. But the decision at the time was right, and it protected the league’s most valuable assets – the players. Appeals processes allow injustices to be rectified. The last thing the referee needs is the onus of selectively enforcing rash tackles and random rushes of blood. You see something dodgy? Act aggressively and assertively. If you’ve fucked up, publicly atone and lobby the FA to review the assessment. Sadly this episode wouldn’t apply to Kevin Nolan – the dirty cunt who sought to saw Victor Anichebe’s leg in half w/ his boots.  The Geordie Scum immersion is progressing nicely.

West Ham in the replay of the FA Cup this week; I wish we pulled a Weymouth. Seemingly ever cup campaign produces the same question at some stage – can a team win silverware and go down. We are morphing into that topical punchline…

French Rock ‘N’ Roll

I was at my wit’s end
Things were looking black
It was getting pretty obvious
I was never coming back
I threw open window
And I stood out on the ledge
When the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard
Pushed me back from the edge

Boro is bouncing again. Back from the precipice, advancement in the FA Cup over West Ham juxtaposed w/ the massive, and seemingly requisite, scalping of another big 4 side. Liverpool the victim – those fuckers…the one unifying target that was never imperiled during the recent perceived miasma clouding Steve Gibson’s monarchal status.

Le retour de Jeremie Aliadiere has catalyzed the club – the partnership w/ Tuncay restored. They collaborated on the pivotal second goal Saturday – just like old times…at Arsenal last season, the draw w/ Arsenal back in December – the telepathy is there. Injuries and varying levels of form have doomed the ideal strike pairing to mere microbursts…can they continue to cause disturbances until safety is assured?

The organisation seems to have been buoyed by a more visible, and sometimes risible, Steve Agnew. Promoted from Gibson match interpreter to an actual functioning coach, a genuine response has been provided…one could also speculate a lightening of the embattled gaffer’s load. We’re all in this together – whatever combination is required to connect w/ the players and make them buy into your schemes and tactics. It helps to have the supporters on board too – let’s get to the end of May and re-evaluate.

Black Magic

Sophisticate extraordinaire Jarvis Cocker crooned about that old black magic…you only get to stay one day. A couple days in Boro’s case, before crashing back to Earth in north London, a proper 4-0 tonking courtesy of Spurs. The short run of form and cautious optimism resultant from successive 2-0 wins ostensibly was an aberration.

Boro were torn to shreds by an on fire Aaron Lennon – Robbie Keane participated in all 4 goals – the visitors became the panacea for a Tottenham side deflated by Carling Cup final defeat. It looked easy early and often – now Spurs have gone 5 points clear…Stoke got a massive result v Bolton…Hull arrested their slide at Craven Cottage. At least fucking Newcastle lost…

Getting 3 points out of this recent mini-program is perfectly acceptable. 4 or 6 would’ve been better, given the shock of the Liverpool result. But this is it…10 matches left, and a string of 6 pointers coming up: Portsmouth, @ Stoke, @ Bolton, Hull, Fulham. Unless the Boro brass has visions of being this season’s great escape, this is the stretch that will stamp their immediate future fate.

Bummed Out City

The vitriol is now flying from both directions. An open attack on supporters from the club, in reply to their collective vocal assessment of the effort on display during the recent ‘Cup final’ v Pompey. They chanted, ‘we’ve only got one player’, a glowing plaudit to the only one they believe to give a fuck, the indefatigable Tuncay.

‘I don’t think we deserve him and the players don’t deserve him as a teammate’ went a poster on the BBC, further isolating the Turkish spotlight. For whatever reason, he was the only player in red thinking invention and incision…massive deficiences were amplified on the right w/ Jeremie Aliadiere and in midfield w/ the suddenly immobile,  and equally hopeless, Julio Arca. Matthew Bates was sent off for emulating Him, and we were suddenly in the shit…already down 1 thanks to another hideously soft goal Boro would have to find their balls – and they did.

David Wheater took up residence as a third center forward w/ Marlon King and AA and the home side was re-animated, scrambling deliciously for a late stoppage time equaliser. There was even the improbable gilt edged opportunity to blag all 3 points…but the future Benfica man ballsed it up, like only he can.

It’s all to do in The Potteries on Saturday – loss surely means relegation, for Stoke can climb to 32 points, opening a potential 5 point gulf w/ 8 to play. We can’t possibly rely on unexpected points between now and the end of the season if we’re patently unable to garner the one’s expected of us.

In The Ditch

‘The only way we will get results is if they’re behind us and not against us…’ Purlers like that used to come from his boot, and now they emanate from his gob…Stewart Downing has the panacea for all of Boro’s relegation ills. The temerity. Invective rained on the Teessiders as they exited the pitch at The Brittania Stadium Saturday. ‘You’re not fit to wear the shirt’ accompanied the exodus. A small band of supporters slipped ’round the back to illustrate further – waving their shirts emblazoned w/ the badge they’d slaughter and maim for, hoping it’d resonate. One can only surmise the symbolism was met w/ the same inaction, insouciance and indifference that’s been largely displayed for nigh on 5 months.

A predictable result, from the most predictable of situations. Stoke City’s single-minded long ball attack claimed another scalp – a Rory Delap missile throw from the right found an unmarked Ryan Shawcross, glancing a header into the far side of the net. There was no late match scramble; no impetus, as flagrant as it can be, to scythe and pillage for something, anything that wouldn’t cut them 5 points adrift of Premiership asylum. We pandered to glorified Championship side. Three centre halves – two wing backs – one hopeless fucking tactician, who looks thoroughly knackered…the kind of fatigue a crook experiences while on the lam, desperately hoping to be captured so the whole ordeal can end.

The only luxury the club has is a surplus of time, which should be devoted to plotting a course out of these doldrums, into more stable waters. Forget the speculation  that relegation is a financially secure method of keeping the expenses lean, or that the positive posturing of players in recent weeks is merely to further polish their profiles before the next football fiscal period. And forget trying to locate phantom points that may help us avert the footballing equivalent of a nuclear event.

It’ll be our mess to clean up after the cupboards are emptied this summer, but that’s only fair, because it’s our club, and we’re the reason why you’ve failed…right Stewart?

End Of A Century

An isolated ray of sunlight bathed Boro this week – relocation to cultural and fashion relevance…adidas will outfit the club for the next four years, appeasing the young supporters and soigne set alike. Errea kitted us for the past 15 years, but incredulity governed that reign – dodgy quality and abhorrent customer service plague the obscure Italian enterprise. Sightsee MFC will openly nick this terrific assessment of the change: Everything connected with Middlesbrough should pursue excellence. Thanks Paul Reaney for charting the course.

News of this is a tantalizing prospect…but Gibbo remains committed to GS, hopelessly, to the point of reportedly allowing him to stay even if we go down. It does avoid a possible, and inevitable, repeat of what is transpiring up the road, where Alan Shearer ensures fucking Newcastle get closer to a playoff push in the Championship next season. Here’s hoping they don’t get the requisite jolt a new gaffer can traditionally bring…

@ Bolton this Saturday – must go for broke – prescribing a 4-3-2-1:

Jones, Hoyte, Wheater, Huth, Grounds, Emnes, O’Neil, Johnson, Downing, Alves, King

Tuncay will be knackered after back-to-back World Cup qualifiers v Spain…like it or not, Alves represents a few of the last bullets in the chamber…Pogatetz can do his waffling on the bench, w/ the captaincy handed to David Wheater. Symbolism at work, for this will surely happen anyway if/when Pogi fucks off – Jonathan Grounds impressed on loan w/ Norwich, his time is now…

The Bottom Line

Many still haven’t recovered from the bollocking @ Bolton…and once more a massive/cup final/insert-your-own-footballing-hyperbole-here opportunity for improvement in the quest for top flight renewal. Hull City travel to Teesside themselves looking to avoid further retardation -  a sizzling start by Phil Brown’s charges has abated severely, languishing w/ their next opponent about the foot of the form table.

The three points would make Boro relevant again – a loss surely consigns a Championship fate; A win for Hull and they inch closer to the unofficial magic number of 40 – requisite for staying up in recent days…loss marginalises all the hallmark achievements accrued so far as a top flight debutant.

The visitors will keep it tight, waiting for the fans to turn – Boro need to fully commit to an attacking approach…adopt a real siege mentality. Gareth Southgate needs to explore the option of a streamlined midfield…forget stroking it around between the boxes, use 3 men, maybe Matthew Bates as a holding MF, flanked by Stewart Downing and Marvin Emnes, who in turn support the front triangle of Tuncay, Marlon King and Afonso Alves. This allows maximum coverage w/ the traditional 4 across the back: McMahon/Wheater/Riggott/Grounds.

Tactics have let down Boro time and again this season – can they finally grab it by the scruff and channel the desperation into something tangible?

Sudden Impact

Despondency morphed into hope – can that hope transmogrify into a chance? Boro look to buttress the victory over Hull City w/ a similarly positive result against Fulham, relatively white hot away from home after some previously appalling road form spanning the entire course of the present campaign. An undeserved point from Geordie Scum at The Brittania v Stoke meant there was no tangible table movement – still 19th, but ever so closer to swapping spots w/ any of the following quartet: Blackburn/Pompey/Sunderland/Hull City.

Mr. Fancy Bonce would be wise to stick w/ the highly questionable 4-4-2 he chose to deploy last Saturday. It was the individual selections though that enabled this permutation to thrive: Tuncay partnered w/ Matthew Bates in the midfield to magnificent results, both contributing goals from an area of the field criminally inefficient in that discipline in 08-09. Marlon King bagged another, and his strike partner Afonso Alves was highly active. The back four were solid, though not terribly pressured by the Tigers. David Wheater was prone to more mental lapses, but they were minute and went unpunished. The call advocating Jonathan Grounds over Andrew Taylor is still shared here, but discounting that, let’s stick w/ the same side. Jonesy’s digit is back in place, so he’ll remain in his. His deference to mentor Mark Schwarzer remains admirable…let’s hope our erstwhile number 1 can have a howler…all plaudits aside, we know he has it in him.

If history continues to tutor us – Fulham have not beat Boro away at the highest level for some 60 years – then the final 5 rounds of the division will have the potential to provide some cracking tension. Those near and dear to the club viewed preseason predictions of a lower table finish as derisory; now a final resting place in those regions, say 17th, would do nicely.

Innocent Child(ren)

The fulcrum is under additional pressure after the goalless draw w/ Fulham – off the pitch troubles now conspiring to compromise Boro’s top flight priviledges. It’s surprising however that this seemingly nascent issue hasn’t manifested sooner…the boss is tired of all the fucking about on the training pitch. Go figure, after assembling only the youngest lot in the Premier League! Not the kind of faff the support base wants to hear in the midst of a massive struggle in the relegation zone…w/ Arsenal looming tomorrow…away…where we’ve lost 9 on the trot..and face the incredulity of setting a new club standard for road ineptitude.

Recent history does befriend us – GS has amassed 7 of 15 available points tete a tete avec Monsiuer Wenger. Boro haven’t lost at The Emirates – a ‘typical Boro’ performance will do quite nicely, especially given results of this matchday: WBA tonked Sunderland; Hull lost again. Blackburn, Portsmouth and Fucking Geordie Scum…the latter two in action together tomorrow that could see Paul Hart steer Pompey to safe harbour.

Personnel improves for Boro tomorrow, and while it certainly solidifies depth, is it necessarily the best headache to have at this stage? The recent performances v Hull and Fulham saw cohesion in the midfield between Tuncay and Matthew Bates…Didier Digard will be back in the side prematurely after rehabbing from his injury against Wigan; Gary O’Neil returns from suspension. We need the same attacking nous that’s been on display…Tuncay’s indefatigability is integral…Jeremie Aliadiere plays well against his former club…King and Alves are forming a decent partnership. It has to be the same XI.

The picture will be more acute post match – prospects and destinies will sharpen – do we need our Prozac glasses?

The Big V

Boro host United tomorrow in a lunchtime kick-off that is the latest target of SAFs ire. MUFC are fresh off the 1st leg defeat of Arsenal in the CL semi-final in the midweek. Rio is battered and bruised, Berbatov was a sub v Arsenal, so on and so forth – they have the squad to cope w/ injuries…let’s hear them whinge about getting kicked around the park post match tomorrow instead – irrespective of result.

We soldier on – nothing much has changed personnel wise, and our position remains perilous. Arguably Villa/Hull Monday is more important, for if Phil Brown can architect an away result they’d be near close to safety, or alternatively, we would be further away in the table. The Tigers bolt may be shot though after already improbable away results at Arsenal and Fucking Geordie Scum.

Tactics? Score more than we let in. And tell Gary O’Neil the match is Sunday, or that we’re playing Portsmouth, so he’ll stay away. The 4-4-2 employed last week was a shambles of previous iterations: see the formula designed for Hull, adopt it, and play like your fucking survival depends on it. Give us West Ham ’07 or Fulham ’08, not a resignation of requisite restructuring in the lower leagues.

Time Is Tight

Any delusions of nicking unexpected points off of Arsenal and Manchester United were vacated w/ a brace of languid performances – a paucity of attacking flair aligned w/ a miserable resignation permeated those performances. Do Boro haven the bottle, or the bother, to put up the necessary resistance? A maximum return on the 9 points available is absolutely critical if relegation is to be avoided – the final push, no really Gareth, the FINAL push, begins Monday in another installment of the Tyne-Tees derby. Pundits alike say the winner has a decent shout of getting out of the mess…winner? Revise that to, ‘if someone wins this match’ for more clarity..

The opponents can lay claim to a better reason for their myriad disappointments…they are a complete shambles, from top to bottom, Ashley to accountancy, and everything between. What is our excuse? The club is largely devoid of any scandal – any infighting that exists seems to be tightly managed in-house. It’s this blissful ignorance that would be more endearing if it wasn’t the countenance of a club the community and a global support community relies heavily on. Prospects of relegation appear more appealing than another severely undulating Premier League campaign. However, based on the downward trajectory of the overall management scheme cries of Charlton, Southhampton, Norwich pervade, instead of a confident replication of Birmingham (or even Reading) blueprint.

Pontification has become pointless – supporters have been demanding attack and assertion. Nothing has changed.

Carrion

The carcass of Middlesbrough FC is malodorous, ravaged mostly from the inside – Fucking Geordie Scum descended on the exterior to pick it further clean as we descend closer to the grave. Aston Villa arrive Saturday shovels in tow, sharp to sprinkle more fresh Earth over where the eyes once were – Boro have it absolutely all to do vs a side that has historically played extremely well at The Riverside; all the more worrying is Villa’s form…will they be the next in an endless line of clubs whose ills are remedied by the calming presence of a hopelessly underachieving and directionless side?

The penultimate matches in each of Gareth Southgate’s first two seasons have seen Boro bounce to safety. Even the most fortuitous of results for the hosts will be insufficient to reach that plateau – Boro need points AND assistance to exit the dungeon. Pragmatically, there can be no hope – it’s only the math that gives us any soupcon of survival. Tactically, we’ve regressed more – injuries alone cannot excuse the downright baffling team selection last Monday; some saw a teamsheet, others a suicide note. Even more difficult to swallow for the supporters is the near certainty of GS being the man tasked w/ returning Boro to the top flight should relegation occur. The facade is firm and unrelenting – this sort of conviction only comes from a bloke who knows he’s infallible in the boardroom’s eyes.

The reddest of Boro-tinged lens can’t even fathom or justify an escape route. We can only pray that plan B, the one that should be on the table and ready for execution, is not as hapless and forlorn as the failed blueprint followed to a point this campaign

Oh Shit!

Right, here’s the itinerary for tomorrow: beat West Ham, trust United to beat Hull, have Villa dispatch Fucking Geordie Scum. Complicating matters is the particular way it has to be fulfilled: we actually win, on the road, by a sufficient goal margin – pay no mind to the club record 11 game away losing streak, or the fact we can’t score fuck all – if by some miracle that formula can be achieved, we’ll have to pray Hull get stuffed, by a similar sufficient goal margin. No specialised permutations required regarding Villa/Fucking Geordie Scum…if the home team prevails the shirtless throngs from Tyneside will be polluting far flung Championship venues…constables on alert!

The final mountain climb for Boro will be done sans Downing, Alves and Digard – the injury to Stewie puncturing immediate hope of his sale to finance a recrafting of a side designed to bounce right back up at the first go – a tenner says his rehabilitation will be fueled by dreams of escape, propelling a remarkable recovery in time for summer transfer activity, w/ us taking the brunt of the damaged goods label and getting less than his valuation from the last 12 months or so.

With the dire situation facing the club on the pitch, much focus has been diverted to dilemmas off it: GS wants to nick a Bulkhaul container and load it w/ his toxic assets – the rumoured exodus of senior team members – allegations of corporate collusion favouring relegation as a base for restructuring – it’s unending for an organisation w/ so many other pressing issues.

Knowing the deep back story, there really isn’t much left to dissect: fans have had it up to here w/ the former club captain – Gibbo remains high on the shit list too – we’ve shitted away our hopes and any control of destiny – 1 match, 90 plus minutes, and seemingly the same amount of things needed to align to avoid forced attrition – do you have the bollocks?

The Long And Winding Road – 27 May

Never again mentioning the miserable failure that facilitated relegation, but rather looking forward to the challenges of the Championship – a rebuilt Boro begins now:

Redcar-born centre half David Wheater commits his future to Boro, despite the drop – fantastic news until an inflated offer from most likely Liverpool or Spurs comes in

He deserves his own space; almost European legend, captain of his country, a talent too good for anything less than the top levels of European football…Tuncay. Surely will be a Premier League player somewhere next campaign; so versatile, so passionate…his deadly Turkish touch never quite shone through at the Boro…the right supporting cast can propel him to superstardom…

Gibbo gives the mouthpiece a break…

The Long And Winding Road – 01 Jun

Never again mentioning the miserable failure that facilitated relegation, but rather looking forward to the challenges of the Championship – a rebuilt Boro begins now:

The inanity of the summer transfer session begins apace as the BBC reports Boro are launching an assault on a well-accomplished international quality defender. Named Gary Neville. Seriously.

Those close to Boro’s pulse opine and proffer on why we went down…and how to avoid it happening again…

The Long And Winding Road – 08 Jun

Championship football is getting the chief executive all tingly in his gentleman’s area

Anthony Vickers feels the same, but he has enough class to restrain it until the 6.30 mark of this – AV helps hammer the point by pointing out how much of next season’s core – Adam Johnson, Rhys Williams, Jonathan Grounds – absolutely thrived in recent Championship experience…interchangeably you could say the same for Chris Riggott, Tony McMahon and Josh Walker possessing the same good fortune re: tangible non-Premiership success…

The idea now after expunging some of the club debt is this: Boro can reduce the wage bill significantly and still outspend their competition, enabling the assembly of a top shelf side capable of bouncing straight back into the comforting arms of the Premier League…

The Long And Winding Road – 17 Jun

Any denial about our current environment was excoriated w/ today’s disclosure of the fixtures – playoff runner-ups Sheffield United visit The Riverside to open the programme

Gareth starts his off-season purge: it’s Malcolm Crosby returning his security badge to front reception…

Matthew Bates continues to weigh loyalty to the club who supported him through numerous leg operations versus free Italian lessons from Gianfranco Zola…

Roma want a bit of this…seriously

Graeme Owens is off to Kilmarnock

Has Steve Gibson had enough? Does he long for rogue tax exile status and the inherent life of intrigue it affords?

The Long And Winding Road – 24 June

If you look good, you’ll play good – Boro reveal a proper kit…it’s debatable that adidas would envisage Mark Yeates as possibly the first new signing to wave one about at a press conference, if indeed there is one…Herman Hreidarsson would’ve been acceptable, with the rugged Icelandic looks and all, but he gets sides relegated, and his missus likes the seafood around Portsmouth better anyway

The wild man still gesticulating heavily around Upton Park? It’s Gianfranco Zola, stupefied that Matthew Bates returned the claret and blue Vespa to stay home at The Riverside and help his mates back into the top flight

Apparently Andrew Taylor has been impersonating a decent footballer at the U21 championships in Sweden…Johnno’s there too, but he’s part of that clique who start the important matches…

Debuting shortly, a primer for some and refresher for the rest of you, a club-by-club, destination-by-destination quick reference guide to The Football League Championship

The Long And Winding Road – 29 Jun

So this is life in the Championship? Boro’s season opening Blades bash is expedited for maximum exposure ahead of the rest on an August Friday night…

Gaz delves into his summer transfer methodology – Yeates is now on the books, and the Flying Finn could soon follow…sounds high maintenance…Mido high maintenance – speaking of, his afroed mate that was to help navigate us out of denial is ready to naff off back home…

Stewart Downing has this tacked up on the wall in front of his rehabilitation machine, hopelessly forlorn that it may not be January til he can get his very own, long after other whores get to model it first

coming later this week, The English Motorway System, a generous and kind companion to the upcoming Championship campaign…

The English Motorway System – Barnsley

Side: Barnsley F.C.

Nickname: The Tykes, The Reds

Ground: Oakwell

From Boro: 88 miles south

Kit: similar to our new home strip, without the fancy aerodynamic imagery

Wankers?: not really – how could one not be captivated by their magical FA Cup run a few seasons ago, when they toppled Scouse Red and the defending holders Chelsea in epic fashion

Club History: see above…also, they’ve been up just once, and they were sent right back whence they came, even falling as far as League One…intervention from the town mayor, Peter Doyle, staved off administration in 2002, ultimately leading to Championship promotion in 2006…since then, cup run aside, they’ve underachieved – another relegation was averted w/ a win at Plymouth on the final day of last season…

The English Motorway System – Blackpool

Side: Blackpool F.C.

Nickname: ‘Pool, The Seasiders, The Tangerines

Ground: Bloomfield Road

From Boro: about 140 miles southwest

Kit: very nice – Holland home kit-ish

Bitter Rivals With: Preston North End

Looking Forward to the Trip?: before the revealing of fixtures, YES!! Apart from the miserable jaunt to Plymouth, this was the one fixture Boro fans hoped wouldn’t fall on a Tuesday night in the winter…fuck

The English Motorway System – Bristol City

Side: Bristol City F.C.

Nickname: The Robins

Ground: Ashton Gate

From Boro: 290 miles or so southwest – 5 hours by car

Kit: higher marks will be given if we get assurances that the fat bloke will be part of their starting XI both times we face them

Famous Supporters: the list could be confined to just this one entry and it would still command significant awe and respectability

Last 30 Odd Years: very itinerant, flitting about the Football League, feeling the lows of League Two, avoiding the drop to Conference football – currently Gary Johnson is doing an admirable job of consolidating Championship position…a serious promotion push has yet to be mounted

The English Motorway System – Cardiff City

Side: Cardiff City F.C.

Nickname: The Bluebirds

Ground: Cardiff City Stadium – new facility that replaces historic Ninian Park

From Boro: similar to Bristol, but just a touch longer at 300 miles

Kit: home strip is ace – classic colour palette w/ just the right level of modernity

Best Supporters Song: Always shit on the English side of the bridge (repeat) (to the tune of ‘Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life’)

Last Time We Faced Them: we were possessed w/ a phantom sense of entitlement during the 07/08 FA Cup quarterfinal – all the big sides were out…Portsmouth was the lone Premiership side remaining…surely Wembley was in the cards…this precipitated the drop into the current chasm

The Long And Winding Road – 09 Jul

The holiday is over and the hangover needs a cure – Boro are back in training, albeit minus one oaf who can’t leave the club fast enough…Afonso Alves mimicked the disappearing act, finally turning up Wednesday after securing air transport from the far outpost that is Holland…which is 70 minutes as the turboprop flies to MME

Something about Ross Turnbull picking the ball out of the net 7 times in person was enough to convince Chelsea that the Bishop Auckland-born keeper is worthy of a spot in their European entourage – Welsh keeper Danny Coyne, in on a free from Tranmere Rovers, will take over his vacant locker, but will ask that it be thoroughly disinfected before moving in his gear

Philip Tallentire bloviates a pre-season preview, and his direct report Anthony Vickers is back from Portugal

1st friendly @ Macclesfield Town 18 Jul 09

The English Motorway System – Coventry City

Side: Coventry City F.C.

Nickname: The Sky Blues

Ground: Ricoh Arena – another corporate brothel in use since 2005 when the club vacated Highfield Road

From Boro: 175 miles south, between Leicester and Birmingham

Kit: the home strip shall forever be sky blue – Sightsee MFC goes for something similar while also on the pitch

Why Coventry Will Always Be Special: this…and this, though the reticent legend professes his support for Manchester Utd

Club Highlights: won their only major trophy, the 1987 FA Cup, over Spurs in reportedly one of the most entertaining finals in history at the old Wembley; celebrated their 125^th anniversary by narrowly averting relegation to League One on the final day of the 2007-08 season, even with a spectacularly bad 4-1 loss to Charlton

The English Motorway System – Crystal Palace

Side: Crystal Palace F.C.

Nickname(s): Eagles, Palace

Ground: Selhurst Park

From Boro: down London way around 260 miles – 5 hours by motor and 3 by rail

Kit: awful – looks like a rejected Barca design gone horribly awry w/ the vertical stripes meandering off under the arms

Rivalry: Brighton and Hove Albion…not geographically suspect at all

You Don’t Know What You’re Doing!: Neil Warnock, the target of Sean Bean’s ire after Sheffield United failed to escape relegation on the final day of the 2006-07 campaign – here is the spine of his viral tirade inflicted on the gaffer’s wife and boy 20 minutes after the match: ‘It’s your fucking husband that got us relegated. He’s a fucking wanker’

The Long And Winding Road – 14 Jul

92 goals needed this season to earn promotion?? With this lot??? ‘You’re having a laugh Gazza!’ says AV…

Nothing tangible on the transfer front – rumours persist around Stewart Downing moving to Villa for anywhere between £10-12m, Tuncay joining him for another £8m, or even beating it to Goodison Park for something reputedly far more derisory…

David Wheater has been taken out of the display case, and Gareth won’t even acknowledge an off-the-menu request for him…from anyone

Dean Windass reckons Boro need a bit of this…

We’re also sniffing around the newly transient Danny Webber…news of the possible pursuit hasn’t mollified the masses

What else have the lads been up to? Philip Tallentire tattles, mainly cos he lives closer, and it’s his job…

The English Motorway System – Derby

Side: Derby County F.C.

Nickname: The Rams

Ground: Pride Park

From Boro: about 140 miles south

Kit: very likeable!

Boro Links: the figurative Clough Way forever bridges the two clubs and regions in between; Young Nigel is in the family business now, steering DCFC to safety after arrival from Burton Albion midway through last season

Records: the ignominy of tallying the lowest points total (11) of the Premier league era in 2007-08; the 70’s were far more kind in this passionate footballing locale: 2 Football League Championships (72-73, 74-75) and a semi-finals appearance in the European Cup (1973), bowing to Juventus, prompting Brian Clough to famously label La Vecchia Signora ‘cheating bastards’

The Long And Winding Road – 15 Jul

Stewie was down Birmingham way having his Villa turn and cough…£12m is the reported fee for someone who needs bullet points to highlight how effing useless he was last season:

• 0 league goals
• 2 goals overall in 42 appearances – both v West Ham in the FA Cup
• missed crucial penalty @ Sunderland – momentum shifted and we lose 2-0
• missed penalty v Stoke (regal Tuncay bailed him out by scoring in the 85th to win 2-1)
• he’s fucked til October, at the earliest

Martin O’Neill became convinced that he needed to move now – not January when other clubs surely will be inquiring…this is the best bit of business brokered by the triumvirate since GS has been gaffing

The English Motorway System – Doncaster

Side: Doncaster Rovers F.C.

Nickname(s): The Rovers, Donny, The Vikings

Ground: Keepmoat Stadium – a multiplex sporting facility hosting footie, rugger, American football, and Bryan Adams concerts; their former ground Belle Vue suffered a mysterious gas explosion in 2007, leading to it being razed shortly thereafter

From Boro: about 90 miles south – less than 2 hours by motor

Kit: absolutely wretched…it’s more paneling than stripe

Who  Loves Donny? LOVES IT: equally deft at footballing and hairstyling…he may have managed as well, not quite sure…

Rivalries: their part of the country is quite a fertile strip…the Sheffields, Rotherham Utd, Barnsley, Scunthorpe, Grimsby and Hull are all within a shout; also cultivating an admirable hatred of Leeds, being sure to say hello as they climb the Football League ladder, while Leeds continue to clatter down the rungs…

The English Motorway System – Ipswich

Side: Ipswich Town F.C.

Nickname(s): Blues, Town, The Tractor Boys

Ground: Portman Road

From Boro: 250 miles southeast, into the spine of Suffolk

Kit: fucking dreadful

Personal Relevance: Sightsee MFC knows of a particularly unstable local chap (turned down a spliff at a party the same night we beat Liverpool 2-0 last season!!) hopelessly devoted to Town…said instability may or may not be attributed to the historical fortunes of the club; also, friend of the blog, the Arsenal-supporting Gunner 71, weaves tales of the ‘help’ at  his country estate in Thaxted whilst growing up: they often had to beat it after serving his supper to allow for time to get back to what he surmised to be Ipswich… or Colchester – he really didn’t know where exactly they were from cos his parents forbade any interaction…well posh!

Gaffer Pedigree: fairly rich…Sir Alf Ramsey guided them from obscurity in the 50s to their only First Division title in 1961-62 before taking over the England job; a few managers and missteps ensued before the appointment of Sir Bobby Robson in 1969 – he presided over 700 total matches stretching 13 years, highlighted by an FA Cup trophy in 1978 (beat Arsenal 1-0) and UEFA Cup glory in 1981 (def. Dutchies AZ Alkmaar 5-4 agg.); George Burley, now of Scotland, had a good run from 1994-2002; Keano has some big boots to fill

The English Motorway System – Leicester

Side: Leicester City F.C.

Nickname(s): The Foxes, Fosse, City

Ground: Walkers Stadium

From Boro: around 155 miles directly south

Kit: very nice actually…

Boro Links: current manager Nigel Pearson captained Boro during his tenure from 1994-98…Division One champions in 1994-95, an FA Cup final in 1997, along w/ consecutive League Cup finals in 1997 and 1998…the steely defender made 115 appearances and proved to be one of Bryan Robson’s best signings…his is a name mentioned frequently as a potential replacement should GS fail to turn things around early on this season

Best Songs: For ever and ever/we’ll follow our team/we’re Leicester City/we’re all supreme/we’ll never be mastered/by those Forest bastards/we’ll keep the blue flag flying high; and this bonus gem: If I had the eye of an eagle/If I had the arse of a crow/I’d fly over Nottingham Forest/And shit on the bastards below/Shit on, shit on/And shit on the bastards below

The English Motorway System – Newcastle

Side: Newcastle United F.C.

Nickname(s): The Magpies, The Toon, Fucking Geordie Scum

Ground: St. James’ Park

From Boro: entirely too close – 45 miles

Kit: the usual home black and white stripey strip is timeless if not dull; the new away kit for this season though: bold, adventurous, and utterly vile…

Toon Army: look at these tits…

The State They’re In: hmmm…no manager, an embargo on transfer activity, ridiculous wage bill (even by Premier League standards), rudderless, directionless…Mike Ashley continues to hold out and unnecessarily parse each legitimate offer tendered for controlling ownership of the storied club – £100m is the ask price, w/ the sportswear magnate resigned to losing around 33% of his total investment

The Long And Winding Road – 19 Jul

The 2009-10 rendition of Boro debuted at Moss Rose in Macclesfield on Saturday – our newly-kitted side ran out to a 3-0 victory over the League Two outfit…nothing to get terribly excited about…Marvin Emnes applied a classy finish for the 2nd goal – Julio Arca netted the opening goal via a PK and Jonathan Franks provided the last tally

Stewie’s gone, we’ve £12m in hand, but Gate is non-committal as to the availability of the haul for future purchases…Rob Hulse continues to be linked as a tangible target – Derby want £3m for the Championship journeyman

The English Motorway System – Nottingham Forest

Side: Nottingham Forest F.C.

Nickname(s): Forest, The Reds

Ground: City Ground

From Boro: 130 miles south – 2.5 hours by motor

Kit: they have worn red, later named Garibaldi Red, since the inception of the club in 1865; it’s why Arsenal wear it too…

Silverware: Forest was the English epicenter of football in the late 70’s, capturing their only top flight title in 1978, followed by consecutive European Cups in 1979 and 1980…other historical plaudits: 4 League Cups (1978, 1979, 1989, 1990,) 2 FA Cups (1898, 1951), European Super Cup (1979)

Rivalries: The East Midlands derby with, erm Derby, remains fierce, but Leicester’s promotion ensures another set of tumultuous tumbles in the league this campaign…and the recent developments at Notts County may foster yet another hot contention

The English Motorway System – Peterborough

Side: Peterborough United F.C.

Nickname: The Posh

Ground: London Road Stadium

From Boro: a 3 hour jaunt southeast – 170 miles…ish

Kit: Chelsea-lite, both of them…

Ambition: Irish real estate magnate Darragh MacAnthony arrived with aspirations mirroring the size of his bank account…lower league-busting fees and wages have been doled out as the club ascend the Football League, achieving successive promotions to get back to Championship level for the first time since 1992-93

The Quality of the Boy: chew chew chew…yep, Darren Ferguson is the hellish offspring of the aubergined architect of Manchester United, SAF, Lord Ferg…with the similarities in kit, chairman and gaffer it’s as if The Posh are this virulent hybrid of most everything wrong the Premier League…

The Long And Winding Road – 22 Jul

No pictures just yet, if at all, but Boro appear to have clinically dispatched Dumbarton 5-0 this past evening…GON, Jeremie Aliadiere, Adam Johnson and Rhys Williams all netted for the visitors, but the result was tempered by yet another knack for Didier Digard

Mido is back, but he isn’t; he was part of the trio with Tuncay and Afonso Alves to not make the trek north for the Dumbarton/Carlisle programme…the club states each have varying degrees of ailments, but it could be prevention of such they’re hoping to preserve, tacitly yearning for other clubs to come along and provide much needed £ to further revamp the squad…

The Long And Winding Road – 26 Jul

Boro continued their dominance over the underlings populating the pre-season fixture list; an adequate 2-0 victory at Carlisle – Adam Johnson and Rhys Williams registering for the visitors

The team coach will next point towards Oldham after a hastily arranged replacement match was confirmed for 29 Jul…Darlo had to withdraw due to squad knack

Gareth Southgate continues to kiss-and-not-tell, w/ a mystery bid for mystery £ being accepted for Mido…he’s taking the Wenger philosophy of not broadcasting available funds to potential business partners a bit too seriously…just tell us he has finally effed off back to Egypt for a fraction of the £6m we donated to Spurs for his return of: 7 goals in 32 matches, myriad injuries, constant irascibility, and occasional public embarrassment

Some news names linked to Boro this week, w/ varying levels of credibility: Rob Hulse, who we already know about, and who can potentially do the job we need him to; Nigel Reo-Coker, out of favour @ Villa, but participating in their off-season currently in Spain at the 2009 Peace Cup; Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink – 178 goals in 406 total matches for club and country, can be had on a free; Leroy Lita, also unattached after his Reading release – we remember him as the cunt who scored the winner v Boro opening day 2006-07

The English Motorway System – Plymouth

Side: Plymouth Argyle F.C.

Nickname(s): The Pilgrims, The Greens, Argyle

Ground: Home Park

From Boro: 380 miles…long and tiring, irrespective of the transportation…Amsterdam is closer for fuck’s sake!!

Kit: the adidas influence is highly noticeable…nice though

Ignominy: Plymouth is the largest city in England to have never participated in top flight football – Hull City’s promotion in 2007-08, and subsequent consolidation, put paid to that…

Pilgrim Messiah: Paul Sturrock…he returned to Home Park 27 Nov 2007 for a return engagement after Ian Holloway defected to Leicester; his first spell from 2000 saw Argyle avoid Football League relegation, ultimately steering them to the Second Division before scuttling to Southampton

The English Motorway System – Preston

Side: Preston North End F.C.

Nickname(s): The Lilywhites, Northenders, PNE

Ground: Deepdale

From Boro: a circuitous 138 miles – the drive plunges south of Leeds/Bradford, through Rochdale, Bury and Bolton

Kit: circa 2006-2009 Bolton-esque…plus, didn’t Canterbury go under?

The Original Invincibles: Arsenal did it more recently, but PNE was the first to go a whole season undefeated…in 1888-89, which incidentally is when they recorded the first double in history, blazing the FA Cup as well…a club truly ahead of their time!

Deepdale Idiosyncrasies: former manager Paul Simpson was pilloried for banning this at the ground in August 2007…the fans singing it, not The King, cos he’s dead…Simpson tried to allay it w/ this: ‘I don’t know whose idea this song is at the start, because it seems to put everyone in a bit of a depression. We have to make sure we get something which the players respond to and go out and perform and the fans respond to as well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we are losing games because of that song. But we have to do whatever we can to generate an atmosphere’…he was sacked 3 months later

The English Motorway System – QPR

Side: Queens Park Rangers F.C.

Nickname(s): QPR, Rangers, The Hoops

Ground: Loftus Road

From Boro: down London Way – Shepherd’s Bush to be exact…250 miles south

Kit: Lotto doesn’t kit too many English clubs, but full credit for this effort

Famous Supporters: full intentional offense meant to Jamie Oliver and Phil Collins, there is but one royal supporter: Mick Jones – the man fused electronic and rock at least 20 years before it became fashionable

Managerial Turnover: extremely high – since Flavio Briatore became chairman in Sep 2006 there have been 7 managers, including caretakers…he goes through gaffers like he does birds (he pulled her); Jim Magilton won appointment to the role this off-season after failing his way out of Ipswich…an incredulous choice, surely this will end well

The Long And Winding Road – 29 Jul

So it’s VfB Stuttgart submitting a satisfactory tender for our dear Tuncay, £9m reportedly – the Turk wanted to stay in England, but fractional offers from Spurs, Villa, and Everton made this Bundesliga barter the best course for the club…

Residual impact from the Carlisle friendly results in another prolonged absence for Matthew Bates…a staggering fourth knee injury sustained by the emerging defender/midfielder combo

Gareth Southgate + Ali Brownlee + supporters questions = manufactured puff or a subtle mea culpa?

2009-10 squad numbers revealed…

The English Motorway System – Reading

Side: Reading F.C.

Nickname: The Royals

Ground: Madejski Stadium

From Boro: 275 miles – 5 hours by car, or 2 full listens of Sandinista…both discs!!

Kit: annually solid, especially some of the away strip permutations…

Origins: christened The Biscuitmen at the inception in 1871, factory closure of biscuiteers Huntley & Palmers in 1974 stimulated the nickname change – Royals was cultivated from a fan submission, Bob Tanner it says here…

It Was Supposed To Be So Easy: Reading made their top flight premier in the 2006-07 season, Boro tipped as their first test - surely we could get the GS tenure off to a flying start against our star-struck opposition…we stormed to 2-0 lead inside of 20 minutes, before a Berkshire barrage of 3 goals in a 12 minute spell straddling the half-time break…the 3-2 victory a glorious start for the neophytes, and it paved the path for an improbable 8^th place finish w/ 55 points – they declined European football via the now defunct Intertoto Cup…

The English Motorway System – Scunthorpe

Side: Scunthorpe United F.C.

Nickname: The Iron

Ground: Glanford Park

From Boro: 100 miles SE in North Lincolnshire

Kit: if you’ve ever wondered what West Ham in stripes would look like…

We’re There: on a Tuesday night – 18 Aug 2009…it’s precisely the type of fixture that reminds you how shit last season was…no offense to picturesque Scunny

Humber Derbies: redolent of something you’d expect Phil Brown to participate in – but it’s not a Welcome to the Neighbourhood ‘mixer’, merely the moniker for whenever The Iron meet their rivals from across the river…

The Long And Winding Road – 30 Jul

Boro were blunted at Boundary Park – the pristine pre-season was marred in a 2-2 draw w/ Oldham…after falling behind earlier, we stormed back w/ some set-piece perfection; Rhys Williams and Robert Huth both crunched headers home to stake us a lead…it was short-lived as Oldham pegged back quickly…in the end they shared the insignificant spoils…

Another listen to this proved more uncomfortable than before…a self-imposed miasma may have obscured the jarring impact…full credit to GS though for remaining calm and diplomatic, and to the participants who provided the pejoratives

The Stuttgart/Tuncay link is still in play, though no official confirmation from player or club…and the Mido fiasco persists as Gareth reveals the ‘offer’ that was proffered was really just that, bereft of any formal exchange of legal tender

English Civil War

So it looks like we will not have the squad proper sorted until September. Boro seem content exercising the balance of the transfer window to raise more funds, facilitating the badly needed amendments to a core first team already compromised by injury: Didier Digard is out for up to a month; Gary O’Neil is sooo desperate to bugger off that he’s postponing a hernia operation in hopes of attracting a suitor situated anywhere but the north-east…brave through Gary, for if not it will be like cutting off your balls to spite your dick; midfield debutante Rhys Williams picked up a minor knock v Sheffield Utd but appears okay…

Gazza is still dreaming of Rob Hulse, but he may have to make due w/ Marlon Harewood and/or Gillingham sensation Simeon Jackson…the latter not a bad punt after an opening week hat-trick v Swindon and 25 goals last season

The fissure amongst the fan base continues to widen – some people are pissed off and feel betrayed, and others are pissed off that some people are pissed off and feel betrayed. The rival factions can be distilled to Get Rid of Him and Get Behind the Club Unconditionally – a less-than-ideal start should breed enough contempt to make option A viable, but the buoyancy of a new season personally overrides any latent vitriol…for better or worse, you made the choice, or it was made for you…Absolute Boro – AV  moderates the virtual debate, using ‘political’ in his preamble more than CNN during the 2008 US presidential elections…

and just announced: Boro travel to Forest for a Championship-themed Carling Cup round 2 affair